I have started to read a fantastic book called “Quiet, the Power of the Introvert in a World that cannot stop talking” by Susan Cain.
It is really helping me to understand myself a bit better after years of thinking that there is something wrong with me. It talks about personality types a lot and I decided to take an online test, shocked at how accurate it was. I asked some friends and family members too and they agreed, it is spot on!
I came out as being the Logician/Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving.
Think Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory.
Taken directly from the website www.16personalities.com “They may appear to drift about in an unending daydream, but INTPs’ thought process is unceasing, and their minds buzz with ideas from the moment they wake up. This constant thinking can have the effect of making them look pensive and detached, as they are often conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads, but really INTPs are quite relaxed and friendly when they are with people they know, or who share their interests. However, this can be replaced by overwhelming shyness when INTP personalities are among unfamiliar faces, and friendly banter can quickly become combative if they believe their logical conclusions or theories are being criticized.”
I had already known most of this. I think I had began to accept it a while ago, moving to a different country where I knew not a soul, where I had the same problems that I had at home made me look within for the problem.
I’m not a social butterfly, I’m a reclusive moth that likes to hide away from light and noise. I like reading, watching movies, learning random things (literally about anything).
There is nothing wrong with that, but all my life I felt like it was wrong to want to leave a party early. No one can ever even hear my in a pub or loud area, my voice is too quiet and I hate feeling like I have to shout to be heard. I like being in a small group. I am shy, introspective and have little tolerance for people who don’t take time to think before they speak. My mind moves too fast, my mouth can’t keep up. By the time I know what I want to say properly, the conversation has moved on and minutes will go by and I’ll start worrying about how little I’ve said in relation to how much I have been thinking. For a long time, I would drink to ease the anxiety. (I’m Irish after all) I don’t know why I used the past tense there, I am still guilty of doing that but not to the extent I used to.
I know the problem, what am I doing to address it? I try to talk to strangers more, even just smile. I try not to be as suspicious of people. I always try to give people a chance, especially because I know I give a terrible first impression. My favorite way to make friends is through pre-existing friends, so that I have a buffer person that I am already comfortable making conversation with.
The Introverts Paradox is that they like being alone… but also fear missing out on life. I often feel like I am on the outside looking in. I look at other people and think they have it so easy socially. However, I know that they work hard on their friendships. They have more social obligations than I do, such as birthdays and nights out. They always have a back up plan if something gets cancelled. Often they forget to invite you along to gatherings because they presume you have other friends.
I have began to realise that if I had as many social obligations as some of my fantastic friends I would not be happy at all. I would have less time to myself. I wouldn’t have saved as much to travel. (Birthdays, dinners and constant lunch catch ups are expensive) I wouldn’t be able to travel if I were a more emotional person either. Society expects you to be out all the time when you are in your 20’s but see below for a real life picture of me on a Saturday night 🙂